


Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

by Crimsonyxx



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Arkham Asylum, Awkward Conversations, Blood and Violence, Counselling sessions, F/M, Guilt, Joker (DCU) Angst, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Blood, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Joker (DCU), Reader-Insert, Romance, Submissive Reader, Tragic Romance, Twisted Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-01-04 10:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21196022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimsonyxx/pseuds/Crimsonyxx
Summary: He chuckled before taking one last long drag at his cigarette and shuffled closer to you. He got up and bowed slightly, his face a mere inch towards your own. His orbs scanned your face, exploring your expression."My dear (y/n)" He sighed your name out, his chained hands caressed your hair delicately."You're always so kind to me. You're always so, so-" he brought his face closer, nose sticking in your hair and he inhaled deep."So beautiful" he breathed out, eyes focusing back to your own.You shuddered in your seat under his sharp gaze. Your heart beating loudly against your rib cage.It almost felt like...It almost felt like you were at the mercy of your predator.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So because I've been so thirsty for Joker content after watching the movie, I tried writing this idea down (after not writing for years lol) I hope it made sense and it still feel like the Joker? (hope I didn't make him too OOC). There's mentions of blood and violence in this fic so beware if it triggers you! I hope you enjoy reading it :)

_It’s too white._

_Too white that it could make someone go.... Crazy._

_Maybe if there's a little bit more color to it, it'll be more... More.... Exciting._

_Yes._

_Maybe splotches of red here and there._

_Oh! Can't forget the yellows and blues there and of course, greens. _

_The perfect colors for a show. _

The corners of his lips tugged slightly upwards. There's a little hop in his steps as his mind wandered, eyes scanning the hallway he's walking in. He hummed his favorite song as his body spontaneously moved to the beat lightly. But it's not long before he finally reached his destination. He took a little pause, the same white door staring back at him. He encountered it enough times to make him _sick_ to his stomach. His guards pushed the door open, letting him in. Their eyes wary. 

He took a few seconds before finally striding in. His steps confident. Without knowing who's on the other side of the damn door. He kept turning his gazes all around the room, refusing to look at the person seating at the end of it. He eventually sat down on the chair, eyes busy fumbling with the cigarette he had on hand, paying no mind to the other person. It'll probably be another psychiatrist, another one who couldn't stand him yet again. 

It was your voice that finally snapped him out of his trance. 

"Hi, Arthur"

His movements immediately came to an abrupt halt. His eyes widened. That voice. How long has it been since he last heard it? He felt a sudden pang in his chest as he slowly gazed up at you. Finally putting all of his attention.

"(y/n)?"

There's a tinge of disbelief in his voice. Brows furrowed together as if he's only imagining the sight of you.

"Yes it's me, Arthur".

You tried to smile but he didn't budge. His eyes relentlessly scanned you, thousands, thousands of thoughts ran through his mind. But almost automatically it seemed to settle on one thing.

You look prettier,

even more than the last time he saw you.

Which was many, many years ago.

Upon that realization, he could feel another pang right in his chest as his breath constricted. The familiar bubble forcing its way into his throat, and this time, he didn't try to hold it in. A series of laughter soon echoed in the room. He choked on his breaths as he laughed. Eyes crinkled while he gazed upwards, his orbs moving from right to left, unfocused.

_Oh, the irony_.

"Ha..... how long has it been already?"

He finally spoke as he calmed down. A hand reaching for the lighter conveniently laid on the table. He set the cigarette alight, sucking in deep before releasing it back to the air.

"I'd say... Too long" he breathed out, orbs finally settling towards you. You could felt your breath hitched, you knew this was coming. You knew. And yet, you still couldn't shake the feeling off of your chest.

"I know. I'm... sorry... Arthur." he immediately scoffed at that remark. Lips forming a smirk.

"No. No. No No. No. Don't be. You're here now aren't you? That's all that matters" his tone turned gleeful. Eyebrows raised up, lips smiling wide. And you knew him too well to know that he wasn't being sincere. He was indeed mocking you. You cleared your throat awkwardly.

"So is there anything you want to tell me today, Arthur? So I can catch up on things?"

"Aren't you here because you already_ have_ caught up on things? You wouldn't be here otherwise." he snapped back, his tone dangerously stable and low but his smile remained. Eyes still focused on you. Only you. It sent chills down your spine. You tried speaking back but no words escaped your lips.

"But I get it! I get it! I'll tell you everything because you're finally here" he took another long drag of his cigarette before his hand settled down on his knees. His body leaned back on the chair.

"Ask away" there's a glint to his eyes, the ones you never saw before. You tried resisting the lump forming on your throat before speaking

“Okay... How are you feeling today Arthur?"

"Mmhm great! Never been better actually" 

"Especially because the only woman I kept thinking about is finally here, in front of me" his smile grew even wider if that's possible.

"I missed her so much you know" there was a little pause as he took the cigarette back to his lips. Eyes casted downwards.

"But she was busy apparently. Too busy. And i get it. Totally get it." he raised his hands in defense.

"Who wouldn't be in this time and age?"

"But.. do you know something?" he leaned towards you. Wetting his lips slightly before whispering 

"I just thought we had... Something. Something special... Me and her. But I guess not. It seemed that my head just got too imaginative sometimes." he scrunched his nose as he smiled again. You felt as if you're being slapped with cold water. You knew his condition better than anyone else. You knew his story better than anyone else. You knew _him _better than anyone else.

And yet you left him. 

You abandoned him. 

_ **You. Abandoned. him. ** _

Guilt gnawed at you, if it was only peeking and tugging at your shirt before, now it was strangling your neck, cutting your source of air. If only you were there for him. If only you kept in touch with him. If only you tried. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe Arthur would still be Arthur. The man you adored. The man you loved. 

You blinked a few times. Taking a few deep breaths in attempt to calm yourself down. But your actions didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Uh no no no. Don't feel bad about it sweetheart, if that makes you uncomfortable I won't talk about it anymore, hm?" he immediately placed both of his hands around your face, startling you. His thumb making circles on your skin as he gazed at you almost lovingly.

Almost.

"I- I'm fine Arthur, thank you" you forced a smile on your face. He smiled back.

"Ahh that's better." 

"I always love it when you smile (y/n)" he admitted and you realized just how much you missed the way he spoke your name. You pursed your lips as you tried to swallow the nonexistent lump on your throat. The rest of the session went out pretty smoothly, as Arthur kept to his words and didn't speak about your past with him, even the slightest bit.

"Ah I guess it's time" hearing the knock on the door, Arthur reluctantly got up while flashing you a big smile. At least it seemed that way. His back was already halfway facing you before he turned.

"Oh I almost forgot" he leaned towards you abruptly and your body failed to react. He captured your lips in his, both of his hands engulfed your face once again. Caressing you ever so gently. He tasted like cigarettes, just like how you remembered it. Arthur pulled away after a few seconds. Eyes crinkled as he smiled. If another person saw him they would think that he was truly happy.

"I still can't believe that you're finally here (y/n)." he breathed your name out, his hand tucked a strand of your hair.

"Here, in front me" He gazed at you again. And it gripped your heart, squeezed it ever so painfully.

"Welcome back, sweetheart" smile still etched to his features, he stood back slightly, as if he's gazing at a piece of art. He nodded to himself before his hands finally left your face. His body eventually turned against you, leaving the room as instructed. He sneaked one last glance inside before smiling again, hands waving eagerly.

"I'll be waiting for our next session!" he blurted out before completely disappearing. 

And you were left feeling completely and utterly shaken. 


	2. Chapter 2

_"He's different towards you. He seemed more... Open and relaxed. None of those traits he ever showed to the others here"_

Your superior's words rang in your head as you took a seat back in the same room for the nth time this month. You blankly stared at your desk for a few seconds.

Of course he would be different towards you. That's what you hoped, coming all the way back to Gotham the moment you knew he was being held in Arkham. When his face was shown all over the news. When you saw him shot that man in his own show. And him smiling afterwards.

A sudden shiver erupted in your body at the thought. Your hands curling up slightly. He's changed. Obviously. His whole demeanor at your first encounter was not what you had expected. The confidence radiating off of him. The timid and unsure Arthur was no more. Nowhere to be found.

The door creaked open, disheveling your thoughts all at once as the man himself came in. A big grin slowly appeared from his features as soon as he laid his eyes on you.

"Hello, sweetheart" he immediately sat down. Eager to talk. You didn't even realize you were holding your breath the entire time, only releasing it after he was completely in front of you. You forced a smile on your face

"How are you today, Arthur?"

The session soon passed by, as Arthur kept talking about his days and thoughts and even about the jokes he had on mind. It was inevitably coming to an end, but before it really did Arthur suddenly leaned in, his lips pursed slightly.

"Hey, (y/n) can I ask you for a favor?" you quirked your eyebrows. It's the first time that it happened. You nodded slightly, still unsure about the idea.

"In our next session, can you bring me some... face paints? I've been feeling really restless these days and I thought..." he paused for a second. Eyes casted downwards.

“That it can make me feel at ease for a bit." he looked up at you. His eyes were pleading. The images of his clown self immediately emerged in your mind.

"Because I find that the process of it is somewhat.. therapeutic. It's funny though because I used to truly hate putting that make up on" he chuckled, sipping on his cigs.

"But now, I think it's the only part of me that's still... Me" your heart ached at his confession but your mind screamed at you. The scene of him shooting down the man replayed itself in your head like a broken record. A part of you didn't want to see him like that. A part of you didn't want to accept that side of him even existed. But after everything was robbed from him, his mother, his identity, his _self_, you understood his words.

_Some face paints couldn't hurt anyone, right?_

You licked your lips, pondering the idea. Arthur looked at you expectantly with his big green eyes. You sighed, utterly defeated.

"Okay Arthur. I'll see what I can do." his face instantly lit up at your words. Teeth showing through his lips.

"Thank you (y/n)."

You couldn't forget how sweet he sounded.

When you presented him the items he admittedly said longed for, his excitement burst right away.

"Can I put this on now? I wanna show you. You never saw me in my make up before haven't you?" he blurted out gleefully. Truth to be told you didn't want to see it. You didn't want to admit it but you're scared.

Scared of that side of him.

"I do this so often I can even do it without a mirror, watch." he picked up the brush and started painting his face a bright white. He looked somewhat ecstatic, smiling and humming, occasionally bringing his cigarette into his mouth, inhaling its toxic smoke. You sat there as you watched him do his magic. Your heart clenched at the sight of him every time the makeup took a step closer towards completion.

Silence hung in the air, the only sounds present was his brush strokes and the occasional breaths of smoke his lips exhaled. After the final stroke of red was brushed against his lips, it tugged upwards. Eyes looking at you fervently. Your heart throbbed.

"How do I look?" you swallowed hard. Not used to the sight in front of you. Wasn't sure of what you actually feel towards it.

"Uh.. I don't know what to say, Arthur" his lids fluttered close as his smile spread wider. As if he already expected your answer.

"I didn't ruin my own make up didn't I?" he tried to play it off, his tone teasing.

"No. You're too good at that" he chuckled before taking one last long drag at his cigarette and shuffled closer to you. He got up and bowed slightly, his face a mere inch towards your own. His orbs scanned your face, exploring your expression.

"My dear (y/n)" He sighed your name out, his chained hands caressed your hair delicately.

"You're always so kind to me. You're always so, so-" he brought his face closer, nose sticking in your hair and he inhaled deep.

"So beautiful" he breathed out, eyes focusing back to your own. You shuddered in your seat under his sharp gaze. Your heart beating loudly against your rib cage.

It almost felt like...

It almost felt like you were at the mercy of your predator.

"I often imagined how you'll react when we meet again." he hummed softly. 

"Will you smile? Will you be moved to tears? Will you hug me and say I've missed you? Will you kiss my cheek like you always do?" his hand continued to smooth your hair, occasionally entangling the knots here and there.

"Will you be afraid of me? Will you come to hate me? Will you look at me with the same eyes as them?" you couldn't respond. It's as if your mouth was glued together. As if your instinct told you to stay put.

"But just like you, you surprised me yet again, always" he cackled a little

"Never have I imagined to meet you at this place. As my psychiatrist even" he gazed at you, searching your eyes. His green orbs carried something foreign in them, something you're unfamiliar with. Your heartbeat kept getting louder and louder with every passing seconds, you could literally hear them in your ears. And his clown makeup didn't help at all. Your stomach twisted in knots as you're getting more and more anxious.

"You've been so good to me (y/n). Too good." he purred in your ear. His breaths ghosted your skin, sending goosebumps all across your body.

“A-Arthur, I don’t think you should-“

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. Cutting your sentence short. His hand continued to smooth your hair down, reaching the tips of it. You could still feel his hot breaths fanning your ear. He inhaled deeply, trying to imprint your scent in his mind.

His tongue suddenly appeared, licking your earlobe seemingly out of nowhere. You yelped in your seat, clearly startled by his action. Arthur laughed loudly at your response, the tune sent shivers and adoration through your body.

It’s been such a long time since you heard him laugh like that.

“Why so serious, my dear?” he retracted back to his seat, eyes gleamed with adoration. He smirked before taking a new cigarette, lighting the stick into life.

You didn’t want to admit it, but at that time, he looked so radiant, majestic even. The confidence radiating off of him. The charisma and dominance dripped from his every gesture. Even though he just sat there, sipping on his cigarette. Inhaling and exhaling the smoke from his overly red lips. His hand ran through his deep dark locks occasionally. Slicking it back up.

It felt like he was an entirely different person at that exact moment. Like a new persona emerged from deep within. And you couldn’t stop being mesmerized by the sight. The fear and fascination stirred inside your head. Confusing you.

His deep green orbs focused at you intensely. You felt small under his fervent gaze. You unconsciously held your breath again. The silence was thick in the air. Both of you only exchanged gazes. No words spoken.

Thankfully the knock on the door came, breaking the stillness inside as you immediately cleared your throat. Straightening your posture while blinking rapidly.

“Okay, that’s it for today, Arthur. Hope you’re feeling better”

He didn’t get up right away, instead, his gaze lingered for a moment. A wide grin followed suit. He closed his lids briefly.

“Of course, sweetheart”

He got up from his seat, eyes still fixed upon you.

“Ah, Arthur, you can take these with you.” You gestured at the paints and brushes. You didn’t believe you manage to speak under the scrutinizing look he gave you.

“oh really?” his tone was surprisingly flat. It looked like he didn’t care about it too much.

“You’re always so sweet (y/n)” he smiled. Taking them in his hands all at once. He cast one last silent look towards you before striding out of the room. Closing it with an audible click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here it is!!! the second chapter! I feel like this chapter is more like a transition to chap 3 in a way??? Anyway, I hope you guys like this and i hope this doesn't disappoint :"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's mention of violence in this chapter so please beware if it triggers you.

You opened the room to be surprised by the sight of Arthur already sitting there, waiting for your arrival. He shook his legs lightly, seemingly engrossed by the tune only he could hear. He turned his head towards you upon hearing the creak at the door. Giving you a wide grin as usual. The only difference was the clown makeup already painted on his face. You froze slightly at the door frame, startled by his appearance, swallowing hard before making your way to your seat. You could felt his eyes gawking your every movement.

“You’re early today, Arthur”

He gave you a big toothy grin.

“I couldn’t wait to see you today, (y/n)” he admitted. His voice breathless. You tried distracting yourself by looking at a couple of papers at your hand.

“Mmhm. And why is that?” You questioned, eyes still reluctant to face him.

“I dreamt about you the other day” Your movement immediately came to a halt. Ears solely focused on his words.

“You were by my side. We were laughing together.” His tone ecstatic. He paused a little. Studying your reaction.

“We’re not in here, trapped by the white walls, trapped by the rules of hypocrites.” His voice got dangerously low. You realize there’s no smell of cigarettes filling up the room today.

"We were happy. Together. Nothing can stop us. It's like the world is at the tip of our fingers."

“That’s why I want to see you sooner today. I've missed you.” He concluded with a smile. You chuckled nervously. Unsure how to respond.

“Well, that’s good. You’re dreaming of getting out of here. Dreaming of getting better!” you exclaimed. Your hands curling slightly under the papers, hoping that he wouldn’t notice.

“Will you be at my side when I’m out of here?” He suddenly asked, his question startled you again.

“Of course I will, I’d love to see you get better myself” You finally mustered the courage to look at him.

“That’s why you have to get better!” you tried to sound cheerful, only to be met with a cold pair of eyes. His eyes.

You realize how unconvincing you sounded.

“You know _I can’t._” he muttered lowly. Eyes staring at you sharply. You’re about to retort before his whole demeanor changed in a split second. His overly wide smile was present again.

_Something felt terribly wrong today._

“Do you remember what you said back then, sweetheart?” He leaned back in his seat, bringing his hands through his locks as his gaze focused on you.

“You said you’ll support me in everything that I'll do.” His eyes seemed to travel back in time. Relishing in the moment you spent with him. Your own mind flashed back to the time you actually said it. You meant every single word you uttered before. You were encouraging him in his tough times. When he was not confident in himself. When he was unsure about his _self_.

“You said you love my jokes. You said you love my laughs the most.” He continued to press you. There was a pause before he continued.

“Did you love it when I killed those 3 men? Did you love it when I killed that Murray guy on tv?”

You’re not sure If you heard him right. Was he really asking you that? You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. A slight terror creeped inside your system.

“S-sorry what are you-?”

“I think that's my best joke so far. Don’t you think so too?” he put all of his weight on the back of his chair, slightly tilting it backwards, lifting it a bit from the floor beneath.

“Arthur” you spoke his name warningly even though your heart was beating loudly. The situation turned south too quickly. He chuckled loudly as a respond.

“What? Don’t you think it’s funny?” he said gleefully. Pushing your buttons a little too much. You didn’t want to agitate or upset him, knowing his unstable condition, especially right now, in this situation. You kept silent for a moment. Letting him have his time as he laughed louder, seemingly having one of his usual fits.

Or so you thought.

He sighed loudly, finally, after calming himself down. He stared back at you. His expression turned rigid after he saw yours.

“You lied to me" he uttered, the baritone of his voice got deeper. You thought after all the time you've spent with him, you'd be better at anticipating his sudden changes of moods but you didn't. His low voice still sent shivers down your spine

"Arthur listen-"

He abruptly lifted his index finger to the air. Effectively shutting you up. His head shook lightly, Left and right it goes.

"Nah. Nah. Nah. Sweetheart. You don't have to say anything"

"I adore you too much to even care about that" he spoke wholeheartedly. You couldn't really tell if he's being honest. Nothing was certain.

"Sorry. I told you I wouldn't talk about this and now I'm blabbering. There's just been so much in my mind these days"

"Would you... mind telling me about it?" you questioned cautiously. He smirked upon hearing it.

"Yeah, sure."

"I've been thinking of escaping lately" your blood immediately went cold at his sudden confession. You couldn't believe what you just heard from his red painted lips. As if sensing your confusion, he reaffirmed his words.

"That's all I've been thinking about after meeting you." his smirk turned into a full blown smile. It even reached his ears. He seemed delighted to have finally told you his plan.

"Why do you kept thinking about that Arthur?"

"Mmm." he pursed his lips in an overly dramatic way.

"Because I can't stay here forever. Not when you're finally here"

"But you can still meet me every other day here, right?"

"That! Is the problem." he pointed his index finger at your face. Emphasizing his every word. He brought his face closer to the table, his body leaned forward.

"I can't see you whenever I wanted to. I can only talk to you within a certain period of time. I can only see you certain days a week. Such a shame isn't it?" he groaned, seemingly exasperated by the fact.

His tune was light, like he was telling a story to you. Like he was having a casual conversation about his day. Except it consisted of him admitting that he wanted to escape the place. Your mind doubted him but your heart tugged. You felt something similar had happened before. You just couldn't pinpoint what or where exactly.

"So yeah. That's what I have on my mind recently"

You stayed silent for a while. Unsure of how to respond to that kind of statement. A moment passed before Arthur frowned, the line contrasting the big red smile painted on his lips.

"Why are you so quiet, sweetheart? Aren't you happy for me?" you gazed at him warily. Many thoughts ran through your mind at the same time

_Is he joking? Is he serious about his words? Is he only trying to make a fool of you? Should you believe him? Should you call someone right now? _

_Should you leave?_

"Why are you frowning?" Arthur sighed exasperatedly when you didn't answer his question, painted brows furrowed together as he faced downwards, seemingly thinking about something.

"I don't like that face" he muttered mostly to himself, but you could hear him crystal clear. He clicked his tongue several times as his legs tapped against the floor violently before his head jerked up abruptly, his lips tugged upwards once again.

"Oh I know. How about a joke?"

There's something about his question that sent shivers down your spine. You felt as if you're experiencing something that already occurred in the past. You couldn't grasp it, but your mind was already paranoid. You backed up slightly in your chair. Panic slowly rising in your system.

"Knock, knock." he smiled.

"Arthur.." you croaked out, Your heart began to thump erratically. He only smiled wider as he gestured towards you with his chin, wanting you to continue his line.

"W-who's there?" you managed to speak, but it's barely even audible.

He urged his face closer to yours. His teeth showing.

"It's me"

"Joker"

He spoke in a sing sang voice before surprising you with a bouquet of artificial flowers. He seemed to have made it from random cloths and colored it himself. The petals were the colors of his makeup. Red, blue, and white. You gulped hardly at his sudden action, only exhaling when your system had calmed down a little.

"You scared me" you muttered quietly. Hands on top of your chest as you felt the thundering of your heart quieted slowly.

"I did?" he chuckled. He forces his way to your face, placing his forehead against yours. Green orbs glowing. Seeing him up close only played your heart to beat louder again.

"You're being too adorable, sweetheart" he spoke and a giggle slipped past him. His hands were back to your face, his thumb grazing it gently. You could never move whenever he's doing something like this. Your body just automatically froze at his contact. Even though each time, you felt as if it was getting more and more intimate. Except for the first kiss he gave you.

He then placed his head on top of yours, obstructing your sight with his chest. He exhaled loudly, hand tightening slightly against your cheek.

You unintentionally inhaled his scent, the smell brought back memories you once shared with him. You could felt your heart ached. Everything was so different now. So so different. Arthur kept silent on top of your head, his thumb making little circles across your skin. Another moment passed before he finally spoke

"I'm sorry, darling but-" he caressed your face again.

"I need you to sleep for a little bit." your brain failed to register his words as you felt two strong hands wrapped around your throat, knocking the air out of you. Your own hands instinctively reached out for his, trying to pry them off but to no avail. His grip was too strong. Too strong for a woman like you. You trashed wildly against his hold but he stood there firmly, not even budging. Your lids blinked rapidly as you struggled for air.

"A-ar-thur" you could feel tears pooling in the corner of your eyes.

_Why is he doing this? Is he finally going to kill you for leaving him? Is this his true intention all this time?_

** _You should've known better _ **

** **

"Sh sh sh it'll be all over soon sweetheart" he whispered lowly from on top of you. Burying his cheek in your hair. Lips moving against your strands.

Maybe it's the fear, maybe it's your brain losing oxygen but you could felt your consciousness slipping out of you too quickly. Darkness soon engulfed your vision, with images of clown Arthur, _the joker_ haunting your every sight.

Your body went limp as your eyes fluttered shut, a tear slipped pass your closed lids. Arthur released his grip cautiously, laying your upper body onto the desk. He studied your unconscious figure for a moment before placing a kiss on your forehead, smearing a little of his red paint across your skin.

"Sweet dreams, my love." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is!! chapter 3! I re wrote this two times because I didn't like how it turned out. :/ I keep adding and taking things here and there before publishing it because I wasn't quite satisfied. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I hope it doesn't disappoint!!! The next chapter will prob take more time because i'm getting busier at the moment so please bear with me ;) Hope you guys have a great day!


	4. Chapter 4

Your head throbbed.

Your throat burned.

You blinked slightly, a blinding light beamed at you.

You tried raising your hand only to find it too weak to move. Your eyes fluttered with so much effort before opening completely, bright white ceiling greeted your vision. Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to register your surroundings.

"She's finally awake" a low voice was heard from your side. You glanced at the source, a man dressed in a white coat was scribbling something onto the paper in his hold. Your eyes wandered across the room. Your head was pounding too hard for your liking.

"W-what happened?" you managed to speak, voice croaked and sore.

“You, my dear, passed out." the man finished his writings before bowing down slightly.

"How do you feel?" you gazed up at the man warily, you instinctively gulped and your throat instantly flared at the action. You tried to sit as you coughed violently.

"Easy, easy there" a woman immediately came to your side, aiding you. She offered a glass of water which you swallowed with difficulty.

A moment passed before the man, or the doctor you assumed asked;

"Do you remember anything my dear? About what happened?" you frowned at the question, your eyebrows furrowed. Bits and pieces starting to come back into your head as you were getting more awake.

You remember your talk with Arthur, you remember his clown makeup, his bouquet of flowers, his laughs, his fervent gaze towards you.

His wide smile.

His hands wrapping around your neck...

Your hand instinctively reached up, touching your skin in panic. Your breaths came out ragged. Your body's on high alert. You could felt his digits wrapping around your throat. Putting pressure on it. Squeezing the life out of you. You started blinking rapidly in panic as your mouth gaped.

Suddenly, a hand came down and gripped your shoulder firmly, breaking you from your trance.

"Relax. He's not here. You're safe." you looked at the man wildly, your eyes trembling. Hands still protectively placed at your neck. The man gestured you to control your breathing, trying his best to calm you down.

After registering his words cautiously, you finally attempted to control your breaths. Your lids fluttered close as your chest heaved in more steady rhythm. There was a slight pause before the doctor braced himself to speak again, reassuring you.

"It's okay. He won’t hurt you. He’s gone." your gaze fell to the sheets beneath as your body shuddered at the thought of him. At the mere mention of him. You closed your eyes briefly, trying to shake his face, his overly wide, _red_ smile, out of your mind.

"W-what happened to him?" you muttered quietly. The doctor was silent for a moment, disappointment painting his features.

"He managed to escape the asylum." your heart instantly dropped at his words.

"The news of his escape spread like wild fire, his clown makeup made it even easier for him to be recognized by the people" your heart sank even lower if it was possible. You could felt your stomach churned while your hand curled against the porcelain sheet beneath.

"They've already starting to make a move outside. With clown masks and all" the doctor sighed. Clearly exasperated by the fact.

"It's like that time all over again"

With every words the doctor uttered your mind was straying further and further away. As if your ear completely blocked all noises from the outside world.

All you could think about was Arthur.

About his words.

_"I've been thinking of escaping lately"_ you closed your lids shut. Breaths quivering at the thought.

He really did escape.

He was serious.

_Dead serious._

And you were too stupid to act.

Too entranced by his presence.

Too naive.

You failed.

Yet again.

Yet _again_ you couldn't do anything to prevent it.

You didn't realize your palm was balled into a fist so tight it started shaking. 

"Miss (y/n)!" the doctor's voice snapped you back into the world. His hand placed on your shoulder firmly.

"Are you okay?" you smiled bitterly and only nodded a yes. Too tired to even form a sentence. The doctor sighed before removing his hand.

"Thankfully there's no major wound or damage we should be concerned of but those bruises will last a few days at least. Even though It seemed that he didn't intend to-" he paused abruptly. The words at the tip of his tongue. The doctor coughed lightly and averted his gaze from your figure. But without hearing what he had to say, you understood. Forcing another smile to your face, you barely spoke;

“Yes, I know."

The doctor insisted you to stay at least one more day, but you refused. You never liked staying at the hospital despite your profession. Especially if you're the patient.

You exhaled loudly as you dragged your feet forward. Your walk back from the hospital was agonizingly slow. It's as if your feet were chained to a dead weight. It's as if you're walking in the same spot again and again.

And again.

Unmoving.

Your eyes cast downwards, the gloomy grey asphalt greeted your vision.

Because of you, he managed to escape. Because you failed.

**_You failed_.**

You grunted loudly as your thoughts continue to plague your mind. Slowly but surely, gnawing at it one bit at a time.

_It's only a matter of time before he finds you._

A small voice suddenly whispered in your head. You immediately felt shivers erupting at the back of your neck. Shutting your lids briefly, you exhaled. Puffs of air escaping your lips. You shook your head lightly, trying to get rid of whatever was haunting your mind.

Shoving your hands to your pocket, you started chanting in your head. Almost like repeating a mantra, hoping that your words will eventually become reality if you've said it enough times.

_Let's get through today. _

Before you knew it you were already standing in front of your flat. You gazed at it. Your new flat still felt foreign to you. It truly hadn't been that long since you moved. Since you decided you have to meet him. To make things right again.

Or so you thought.

Feeling the chilly air starting to seep into your bones, you entered the building and went up to your room. You just wanted to hop onto your bed and sleep. Sleep, and maybe tomorrow all things will be better.

You entered the keys only to find the door unlocked.

_That's strange. _

You were sure you locked it before you went out. You narrowed your eyes as you turned the door knob cautiously. Your mind starting to spew nonsense again.

** _He's here. He's here. He's here. He's definitely here. _ **

You took deep breaths before finally opening the door with a loud bang, startling whoever was inside.

"Who's there?!" you stammered slightly only to saw a familiar sight. His faced shocked as he jumped from the sound.

"Kevin?" you spoke dubiously. He was not who you're expecting at all.

"God (y/n) what was that for?!" you stepped inside in confusion while you hanged your coat. The rush of adrenaline slowly fading away.

"Why are you here?" he took a few deep breaths before looking at you. A smile soon crept up on his features. He brought himself close and squeezed your upper arm.

"I thought I'd surprise you. it's your fault for moving out so suddenly and left me alone." he grinned playfully at you, his hand went up and caressed your hair gently.

"I missed you, you know" he brought you closer to his body and hugged your own. You pursed your lips. Surprisingly you're not feeling anything about his sudden visit. You're supposed to be happy, excited. After all your boyfriend came all the way to Gotham to meet you.

But you're not feeling anything. 

"I’m...sorry" you muttered weakly. Your feelings and thoughts were a huge tangled mess. Kevin took a step back to take a good look at your face and you avoided his gaze. Why are you behaving so strangely?

"You look tired darling, is your work too much?" he stroked your cheek gently and placed his palm there. Making soothing circles on your skin.

But at that moment the only thing you could think about was Arthur doing that exact same thing.

The way his rough finger caressed your skin, his feverish gaze towards you, his red painted lips smiling wide, capturing yours-

You unconsciously backed away from his hand. Eyes cast downwards.

"No worries. I just need some sleep" you shrugged his hands off lightly and walked past him. He surely noticed your unusual behavior but decided to brush it off. Blaming the fatigue painted on your face. You headed to the kitchen counter only to find two meals perfectly placed on the plate. Hearing no response from you, Kevin chirped.

"I cooked something for us" his lips tugged and he was right at your side in a blink of an eye.

"Let's eat. It's your favorite right?" he draped an arm around your body lovingly. Guilt gnawed at you once again. How come you're not happy when he's being such a sweetheart? You bit your lower lips in frustration.

_Is it because of him? _

_Is it because he's the only one in your mind this entire time? _

Your breath trembled.

** _No. _ **

You're not supposed to be like this. Not when Kevin's around.

Licking the stinging patch you left on your lips, you almost answered in a whisper

"Yeah. Let's eat."

You went asleep almost immediately that night. The fatigue taking over your body and mind. But no matter how tired you were you still woke up in the middle of it. Like an automatic switch, your body always woke up around this hour. The symptoms almost always occurred ever since you started the job. Ever since you met him again.

You groaned against your pillow. You couldn't even have a nice, quiet sleep couldn't you? You huffed in annoyance, pulling your blanket closer to your body. Before long, a voice was heard from outside. You took a couple of seconds to register that it was Kevin's. He seemed delightful, his tone feathery light as he spoke. It even sounded sweet. _Too sweet._

"Yeah she's asleep. Don't worry"

You closed your lids together, attempting to drift back into your dream. You could still hear his voice that seemingly dripped with honey.

"Don't worry darling. Really. I'll be back before you know it"

Your brows furrowed_. Darling?_ Who's he talking to? Half of you wanted to get up and ask him about it but half of you just wanted to stay in bed. And the latter seemed to have won as you rolled your body to the side, snuggling closer against your pillow. Your lids were half open, blinking lazily in the dark as you yawned.

Before you realize there was a figure laying in front of you.

It couldn't be Kevin as his voice was still heard from outside.

You froze.

Even in the dark you could saw the suit the figure was wearing. Your eyes traveled up and up as your heartbeat increased. You could tell that the figure was a man as your eyes went past his torso.

And you stopped.

You recognized the attire the man was wearing. How couldn’t you? After so many times watching that clip.

_That damned clip. _

You licked your lips, fear and panic were starting to make its way inside of you. You were so utterly scared to look up. To gaze at the face of this man. Because deep down you knew who it was.

You always knew.

Exhaling roughly, you were finally met with his face. And you were right all along.

It was Arthur's.

You could felt your heart stopped beating at the sight of him. Your hands trembled. He was wearing his clown makeup, his lips tugged upwards in a smirk, making the painted part looked even wider. He just gazed at you. His overly green orbs glowed even in the dim room. One of his arm was placed beneath his head. Resting there, making himself comfortable on your bed. You unconsciously held your breath as he started grinning. The darkness only made it look worse. But none of you made a single move.

It’s as if time stopped ticking at that exact moment.

As if he was waiting for you to wake up this whole time.

You tried to speak but no words escape your mouth. Arthur only chuckled silently before placing his index finger against his lips. Indicating you to stay silent. He slowly got up from the bed, eyes still watching you like a hawk. His smile never faltered even once. He finally went out of your room, grinning ear to ear.

Your heart was thundering against your chest at that point. You curled your fingers under the sheets but you couldn't move even an inch. You gulped and blinked erratically but your body just won't listen to you. You wanted to scream. To warn Kevin about his presence but you couldn't. Your heart was pounding loudly, thundering against your chest. Your breaths got harsher with each exhale. Panic and fear were stirring your insides as you relentlessly tried to move.

You have to get up.

**You have to get up you have to get u-**

A heart wrenching scream was heard from across the room.

It was Kevin's.

You frantically tried to get up but your body wouldn't even budge. It's as if you were glued to your bed. Your eyes started to stung with fresh tears as they spilled freely onto the sheets. You struggled for air as you sobbed. Your chest heaving rapidly. It was when you heard him laughing. Laughing his heart out in pure bliss while calling your name.

"Sweetheart (y/n)~" he sang. You could hear his steps getting closer and closer. He peeked inside the room. Knowing fully that you're in there.

"Are you here (y/n)?" he giggled a little before opening the door widely. You shook violently, still trying to move but to no avail.

"There you are sweety!" he took quick steps to your side, immediately sitting down as he caressed your cheek with his palm. He proceeded to scoot himself closer to you. Inhaling your scent as he closed his lids. He breathed out contently before settling his orbs towards you. You could only do so much. Your sobs getting louder and louder at his action.

"Sh sh sh sh it's alright" he continued caressing your cheek. His other hand smoothed down your hair.

"You know I won't hurt you" he whispered in your ear before chuckling. His breaths fanned over your skin, sending chilling shivers down your spine.

"You're my dearest (y/n) after all."

"(y/n)"

"(y/n)"

"(y/n)!!"

You gasped loudly as your eyes snapped open. Beads of sweats were already decorating your face as your breaths came out ragged and violent. You gripped your chest. Your heart was beating so loudly you could hear them in your ears.

"Are you alright?" you gazed to your side to see Kevin there. Safe and sound.

Not the clown.

Not Arthur.

You breathed out in relief. Your body automatically fell back to the mattress. You brought your hands to your forehead. Applying pressure there as your heart calmed down.

"It's just a bad dream, darling. A bad dream" he shuffled closer to hold you against him. Attempting to calm you down. He removed your hand from yourself and placed his own there. His thumb making soothing circles. His other hand found its way to your strands, stroking it gently. The gesture awfully similar to the one you've dreamt of.

You shook the thought off of you as your body shuddered. The image of him was still fresh in your mind. Etched to the back of your head. You could even hear his voice calling your name. The sound so awfully chilling. You didn't know if you could fall back asleep.

You snuggled closer to the warmth engulfing you. Hearing Kevin's even breathing calmed you down a little.

_That's right_, you reassured yourself.

It was just a bad dream after all.

You struggled to wake up the next day. Only waking up when Kevin nudged your side, saying brunch was ready. You stood up slowly, still groggy from your slumber. You were making your way to the living room before Kevin gave you an envelope.

"It's for you. I checked the mailbox this morning and it was there" you gazed at the envelope in your hand, studying it. It was your standard regular envelope no matter how much you looked at it.

You opened to see its content before a shiver ran across your whole body.

Inside, was a piece of paper with a huge single smile drawn on it. The lines were harsh and wobbly, like it was drawn hastily. The strokes were bright red. Your lips quivered. Your heart beat increased with each passing seconds. You flipped the paper cautiously only to be met with another drawing.

_A frown_.

Your knees started giving out as you wobbled slightly. Quickly finding purchase on the wall beside you. You shut your eyes before gazing at the paper once again. The smile haunted your vision. It was the only thing your eyes could focus on.

It’s as if the drawing was looking straight into your soul, whispering to you. As if his voice was installed in that piece of paper. _In that wide, red smile. _

** **

** _"Found you." _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the very late update!!  
whew! this is a rather long chapter compared to the previous ones!! Had difficulties writing this because its channeling more about the reader's feeling about the whole situation? I just couldn't find the right words to fit in at first lol. Hope you guys enjoyed this one too! and merry early christmas!! (even though this story doesn't correlate to christmas vibes AT ALL)


	5. Chapter 5

It's been days since Arthur left the Asylum.

It's been days since your nightmare.

It's been days since you first got the envelope, seeing that red smile across the paper.

But it felt just like yesterday.

With every step you took around the hospital, every time you spent consulting other patient, every time you watched the news. It reminded you of him and him alone. It's like the image of him, his entire being was burned into the back of your head. Haunting your every moment, your every thought.

"(Y/n)"

"(Y/n)!"

Kevin's voice brought you back to reality. He pursed his lips in a thin line. Knowing that your mind was roaming all over the place. Unfocused.

"Are you sure you're alright, darling?"

"Yea... Yea sure of course. It's nothing."

You got up from the couch and smoothed down the fabric of your pants. He paused for second before bringing himself close, placing his hands on your cheek. He sighed loudly.

"You do know you can always come back and leave this shit hole anytime, right?" you casted your eyes downwards at his words. Eyeing the floor beneath.

"Don't make it too hard for yourself" he kissed your head before tousling it playfully. Studying your silent figure before continuing.

"Oh and by the way, I hate to tell you this but I gotta leave sooner than expected." his words left a slight pang in your chest.

"Why's that?"

"Something came up, I don't want to leave you like this but, I have no choice" Kevin sighed loudly before pulling your body close to him.

"It's okay. There's nothing you can do about it right?" you mumbled against his chest. Truth to be told you didn't want him to leave. After all that's happened you wanted someone to at least be there for you. To distract you from the images of him, haunting your every day.

Kevin backed off slightly to gaze at your face. He grazed your cheek delicately, a sweet smile decorating his face.

"How about we go to that pub you love this afternoon? Both of us know there's too much stress for you lately"

You tried to smile back as best as you could. Feeling something tugged at your heart.

And there was. There's _him_.

"Yes. Of course. Let's go."

As soon as your work was done you immediately left the building. The news about him being talked and shown repeatedly was making you incredibly anxious. The letter always popped out in the back of your mind.

** _He knew where you lived. _ **

** _He’s coming for you. _ **

You took a sharp intake of breath at the thought. Maybe it was for the best that Kevin's leaving soon. That way he'll be safe. From him. From whatever he's doing to you. You strode to the pub faster as your heart picked its pace. A good alcohol would calm your system. You sure hoped it would.

"(Y/n)! Over here" you tried to look for the familiar voice calling you, spotting him on the slight corner of the room. Sitting and smiling upon your arrival. The smell of alcohol and the light music that reverberated across the room immediately soothed down your agitated nerves. You smiled back and walked over to him. You sat down and ordered your drink. Chatting about your day and some other unimportant detail about your work.

But none of it ever took him out of your mind. Everything revolved around him. Your life, your work, your nightmares, even the place you're currently sitting. Surrounded by a bunch of people with clown masks and paints.

And everyone started to look the same.

Everyone started to look just like him.

You gulped harshly and took another swig down your throat. The alcohol burned deliciously around it.

"Hey, what's wrong dear? Do you wanna get back?" Kevin looped one arm around your shoulder. Snapping you out of your thoughts.

"You've been quite for some time now."

"No. No. It's fine. Just enjoying the drinks" you gave out a forced smile.

** _No. _ **

You're not fine.

Not when almost everyone in the damned room reminded you of him.

You glanced around the space lightly. Eyes straining to see anything, anyone but clowns. You knew that after he broke out, the people were in a frenzy mode. Partaking in some sort of movement to show their support towards him.

The hero of Gotham they said.

And you always thought that it's ironic for Arthur to be recognized this way. As a killer. A vigilante. A mad man. Not as the kind and gentle hearted man he was.

But you knew he was not the same man he once was. You knew better than anyone else. The way his orbs gleamed with mischief, the way he carried himself, the way his smile spread wide, baring his teeth in the process,

the way his hands wrapped tightly around your neck-

You immediately shuddered at the thought. Your lids shut closed. You huffed loudly as you brought the glass to your lips again. You came here to relax, not drowning yourself inside your jumbled mind.

You were trying to speak to Kevin before something caught your eye. In the opposite corner of the room there was a curtained space with only a gap showing what's inside. There were a couple of people, judging by the light shadows cast on it. Conversing, taking drinks and laughing.

And that's when you saw something.

_Someone. _

Who knocked the breath out of your lungs.

An awfully familiar figure was seating there, taking occasional sips from his glass. The smoke of his cigarette clouding the closed space. His bright green hair gleamed in the dim light, peaking slightly from the curtain.

You watched with fear creeping inside your bones as he laughed. You could even hear his cackle from across the room despite the distance between the two of you.

And when his orbs took a second glance your way, you froze. Those brilliant green orbs locking with yours. You saw as his smile faltered a bit only to saw it widened significantly. He brought the cigarette he was holding onto his lips. Taking a long drag without leaving your figure even once. Releasing the smoke into the air. And he grinned. His teeth showing between his carmine lips. Shivers immediately went down your spine as you grabbed Kevin's arm instinctively.

"Hey what’s wrong?"

"We need to leave." you whispered.

"Hey (y/n) wh-"

"We need to leave. Now." you spoke harshly. Your voice trembled as you finally whipped your head. Breaking eye contact.

"Okay, okay relax darling." you took deep breaths and wobbled out of your table. Fear tingled all across your skin.

You dared to look back to saw him still eyeing you behind the slightly opened curtain. His lips no longer curled up. Only the facade of his paint made it look that way. Seeing the man by your side, his gaze immediately snapped to Kevin.

And you could swear you saw something you never saw in him before.

Something dangerous.

Something that gripped your heart with terror.

You grasped Kevin arm, urging him to leave the place even faster. Dragging him across the pavement while your heart thundered loudly.

** _He's here. He's here. He's here._ **

** **

"(Y/n)!" Kevin pulled you back abruptly. Taking you by surprise as you stumbled backwards.

"What's wrong with you?" he spoke nearly shouted. exasperated by your actions. You immediately placed frantic hands all across his shoulder and face. Gripping the fabric of his clothes tight.

"If anything ever happens to me, I want you to run." his expression contorted into pure confusion.

"(Y/n), what-"

"Promise me!" you shouted, startling him.

"If anything ever happens to me don't do anything stupid and just leave. Run. Don't ever get caught."

Kevin groaned loudly, unable to understand the words spewing from your mouth.

"You're not being yourself right now. Let's get you home"

"Kev-"

"No buts. Let's go home." he took your trembling arms in his and the two of you walked back to your apartment. You glanced backward slightly, your eyes wary as the building got smaller in your vision. Making sure he wasn't following you.

You couldn't sleep that night. Not when his haunting smile kept plaguing your mind. Not when you remembered how his orbs gleamed when it met yours. Not when you kept expecting him to break into your apartment in any moment.

It was him in the pub right? Surely your mind hadn't gone crazy.

_Not yet. _

You gripped the sheets roughly. Should you tell the police? Would that made any difference? Would that ease the fear gnawing at you? Would that free you from the nightmares?

_Did you even want him to get caught? _

Your body shook slightly at the thought. What were you even thinking. He was not supposed to broke out like that. He was supposed to go undergo treatment. You were supposed to do just that. To bring him back. To bring Arthur back. To bring the man you knew and loved back. You need to tell the authorities about him. You had to. For his and your sake.

You couldn't do it.

You were so close to pick up the phone, to tell the police of your sighting yesterday but you couldn't bring yourself to do it. You cursed loudly. What're you supposed to do now?

** _No. _ **

Maybe you were imagining things. Maybe it's not even him. There's too many people back then and every single one of them looked the same. They looked just like him. And maybe that's why your eyes were playing tricks on you. Surely, it couldn't be him.

It couldn't be him.

You went to work that day with a heavy chest. It's like the weight just got doubled instantly. You were struggling with your inner battle of convincing yourself. Still trying to calm your emerging paranoia before someone came to you.

"(Y/n) there's something for you" she handed an envelope. A bright red envelope.

"It says it's for you but there's no information about the sender" your heart immediately dropped. Your blood ran cold again. You knew what it was. You knew _who_ it was.

You froze at your seat, making her nudged the paper towards you. Looking at your figure with slight confusion. You finally took it with shaky hands, hoping your coworker wouldn't see that. You smiled and thanked her briefly before biting your lips anxiously.

Your heart pounded loudly as you opened the envelope ever so slowly. Afraid of what you might see inside. You pulled out a bright white paper, a stark contrast to the envelope. You turned it with shaking hands.

And again across the paper something was written harshly, roughly, with big bold red letters all over the place. Your orbs moved across the letters one by one. Each of them made your blood ran even colder. Your heart beat even faster. Your hands shook even harder.

You could hear his voice saying those exact words right at your ear. Seething with malice.

** _"WHO'S HE?" _ **

** **

It made your stomach sick. He was playing with you. First it was sent to your house, now it's your workplace.

It's as if he's flaunting you.

Shoving the fact that he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.That he's always around you. All the time.

Watching you.

Just like he did yesterday.

Never taking his eyes off of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo here's an update after such a long time!! I hope you enjoyed this. I'm not really confident with this chapter tbh. It's kinda hard to execute the idea because I'm like in a rut with this :/ even though I already have a general idea on how this story will go. And again it's like a transition chapter for the next one.  
And lastly, I want to say thank you so much for the love and support you give to this series <3


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